Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Important Health Advice for Women

I'm indebited to my dear friend C for this vital information which all women should take very much to heart. Needless to say, she is a fully qualified doctor (of philosophy ..... or something):

"Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Sauvignon Blanc.

Sauvignon Blanc is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Sauvignon Blanc almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.

Sauvignon Blanc may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNINGS:

* The consumption of Sauvignon Blanc may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
* The consumption of Sauvignon Blanc may cause you to tell your friend over and over again that you love them.
* The consumption of Sauvignon Blanc may cause you to think you can sing.
* The consumption of Sauvignon Blanc may make you think you can converse enthusiastically with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
* The consumption of Sauvignon Blanc may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people."

Please feel free to share this important information with as many women as you feel may benefit! Now just imagine what you could achieve with a good Chardonnay .....

22 comments:

Uptown Girl said...

I love this!
Hi Dulwich Divorcee, this is my first time on your blog and as a divorcee myself I am so very hooked. I wish I had found your blog 6-12 months ago when I wasn't doing so well and was in dire need of the white wine health advice...

family affairs said...

That is truly brilliant. I am definitely going to have to steal it. I myself have been using this form of medication for some time. Another side effect that I find relatively beneficial is total loss of memory several hours later. Lx

The wife of bold said...

Hillarious!!! Love it! The warnings are too funny as is "loss of motor control - classic!

Insomniac Mummy said...

I find tequila has similar effects :).

Can I get it in prescription?

Chic Mama said...

LOL !!!
I never knew that...I will be out first thing tomorrow seeking some out. I can't wait to see if it works on me.

Thank you. ;0)

rosiero said...

I'll order a crateful now. Can I get it on the NHS?

gaelikaa said...

Take it at your own risk! But it should be accompanied by a relevant health warning!

Lakeland Jo said...

Brilliant and I agre totally. I can't drink at the moment- it really is very grim

Maternal Tales said...

Oh so true, so true. But what about when collecting child from school gates? Isn't it a bit early then for consumption of Sauvignon Blanc? What to do then?

nixdminx said...

that is soooo freakin funny I nearly spat out my mouthful of rose, but I found out that if you so much as miss a mouthful of the required dosage (minimum one wine glass) the effect is just not the same...

dulwich divorcee said...

Hi Uptown, lovely to meet you and glad you are doing better divorce-wise ... I must say I'm finding it a long trek though a few doses of of the Sauvignon have helped! We divorcees should stick together ....

dulwich divorcee said...

Family affairs, thanks for mentioning that useful side effect, funnily enough I had forgotten all about that one ...x

dulwich divorcee said...

Thanks, Wife of Bold, I'm not sure it's true about the motor control, oops, just knocked over a table ....

dulwich divorcee said...

Insomniac, you've reminded me of Tequila slammers, gosh it's been a long, long time since I had one of those ....possibly not long enough though!

dulwich divorcee said...

Chic Mama I do hope it worked on you! Let me know if you have any dosage advice x

dulwich divorcee said...

Rosiero, I think you definitely deserve a crate or two on the NHS x

dulwich divorcee said...

Gaelikaa, I know, it's a bit naughty and flippant!

dulwich divorcee said...

Hi Lakeland Jo, thanks for stopping by, just popped in at yours and saw your iPhone roaming shocker! I had the same experience but had no idea you could claim it back - too late now I fear. Hope you're soon feeling better and up to the Sauvignon again, sorry to hear of your health issues

dulwich divorcee said...

Hi Maternal, I think at the school gates you could slip a little something into your Evian bottle and just idly tell people it was Elderflower cordial ....glad to see you had fun at Butlins, am going to try and go later in the year

dulwich divorcee said...

You're absolutely right, Nid, it's very important that you take the correct dosage every night and that you finish the bottle, er, course!

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

Oh for some sauvignon... the local Krstic just isn't the same. I'm now drooling. Really, I am. Actually drooling onto the keyboard.

I need some decent wine. (whine whine)

clareybabble said...

This is also true of chardonnay!
Loving your blog and looking forward to reading more xx